


find (something) wanting

by paperbackbooklet



Category: Danny Phantom
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Danny-centric, Exploration of Death, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Introspection, Lovecraftian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25490080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperbackbooklet/pseuds/paperbackbooklet
Summary: What if Danny saw the closure of a complete death before it got torn away? What if the world repels him, as reality repels its contradictions?
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	find (something) wanting

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how to start things, so let's just jump right into it.

Danny looks down at his body.

His aberrant, blasphemous body. Grey where it hides electric green and pink where blood ends.

Everything he _is_ is against reason. He saw a glimpse of impossibility and when it vanished from his peripherals he found himself wanting. It cultivated this deep hatred for himself; one he pushes away from his conscious mind in the hopes it won't ruin him.

But he still found himself wanting. He lacked and he lacked but he is still too much for the meat on his bones. He heard the song of thereafter and it broke him in a way he could never explain. Not with words or second glances. Not with the language that grew in him the moment of his damnation. The one he found himself muttering in as other impossibilities skirt by his subconscious.

He found himself wanting and yet his body—a small, _broken_ thing—didn't allow it. Danny mourned a deep longing of what he couldn't accept; core panging in repentance for what it didn't—couldn't allow.

He sometimes wishes, in these moments of otherworldly, that he stayed dead. Not in the in-between that makes his mind curl in on itself in self-preservation. His brain, ghostly or not, should not be able to process what he is. Saying you are an impossibility versus actually _being_ one is different. One can say that death stops life, but no one experiences three realities clashing for dominance in a body too small and too insignificant. The experience of materiality, of disincarnation and of vacancy should never be felt together. Reality repels its existence, and thus it repels Danny.

He feels it sometimes. The way existence drags at him, or pulls. He'll hear the distant, yet too close murmur of a choir. He'll feel the draw of its incrimination and find himself lost in the memory of a nothing he shouldn't have witnessed. It whispers _too soon_ yet _not soon enough_ , as it tries to guide him back to what it thinks is right. The choir, so far away, crescendos and wanes in beauty so expanse and encompassing he cries. Cries as it whispers a salvation he can never partake in. Cries as it forces its cruelty of _respite_ in a being that cannot rest.

He cannot explain the longing he feels, nor does he think he wants to. So he doesn't. He, instead, focuses on his body and how it lacks.


End file.
